A bit about sex and Venus and men's bodies.
can I use Venus to talk about a warped presentation of sex in gay social media?
I really just want to write about Venus right now and for a little while…
I thought maybe I’d write about the Moon, but I do that a lot, then I considered writing about Jupiter, which I don’t do as often, but then I looked at the transits for the next week and I realized that, in fact, this would be a really good week to write something messy about Venus.
Briefly spilling some Venus ideas: beautiful sounds, fine art, a kiss, new clothes, jewelry, time spent in easy company, mutual sexual satisfaction, soft skin, nice smelling fragrances, delicate oils, glass items, the word “aesthetic” and the pleasure of saying it, gentle touches, looking into someone’s eyes, and mirrors. Libra is her masculine home, an air sign, associated with social connection and exchange. The scales, justice, virtuosity, and fairness.
This is the start of something I’ve wanted to look at for a while. Broadly, we’re going to cover Venus and social media and sex and connection and the sexlessly pornographic grip that certain kinds of aesthetics/brands/styles have on gay men today. In advance, here’s a big apology for writing about (1) social media, (2) Connection™, (3) gay men, and (4) the state of things today. That’s a lot to ask you to come along for, a lot about which a lot has already been said, so you’re forgiven if today is just not the day. I’ll come back later and insert the simplest version of what I’m trying to say in here [ ] once I know what that is.
My thoughts are in a big knot. Astrologically, we’re about to see Venus move out of Virgo and into Libra. This is a pleasant shift. This is a move from a hyper-critical Venus to a balanced Venus. Venus in Libra wants to connect with people. Venus in Libra is a mirror held up and showing a reflection. Venus in Libra is an organized home with a harmonious vision. Venus in Libra might not always remember the body exists, but Venus in Libra is keenly aware of being perceived. A paradox of not existing to self while still very much existing to other people.
On a personal level, I’ve been thinking for years about how a specific kind of aesthetically coherent, erotically charged Instagram account has become a normal feature of the Gay Internet.
This specific kind of account curates images and videos of men (usually very muscular, very groomed, and very handsome) that often skirt the boundaries of allowable content on a Meta product. They also curate high contrast images of animals and interesting fonts saying banal things and small women with striking features. Somehow these accounts make refined a pretty basic urge: the urge to suck up the dopamine that looking at sexy, shiny images elicits. They turn “horny” into an artist’s statement and, at points, into a pseudo-liberatory position.1
I wondered how long I’d get playing with these thoughts before I felt the need to disclaim: I don’t intend to advance a sex-negative or anti-porn narrative here. If you think I’m veering that way I’d be curious to hear about it—the anti-sex mindset is rooted deep, so it wouldn’t surprise me. Still, I’m not even sure I’m walking down a path that ends in true critique. I’m just realizing that this knot won’t get unknotted until I do the writing (thinking) and see what comes out.
Maybe a good way to approach this process is to share more of my process. That’ll slow my process down which is a good thing for me, someone who puts things off to the last minute and then tries to cram weeks of thinking into hours of writing. I have to give credit to Celine Nguyen at Personal Canon, as she’s shown that this kind of process-based writing can work, can have personality, and doesn’t have to hang so tightly to certain online writing conventions. Her pieces spend time in the eddies of thought that come about naturally before moving onto the next conclusion or question. So, shoutout to Celine 🫡
I’ll focus in this week’s newsletter on asking the questions and framing the interest and outlining why any of this matters to me. Then in subsequent weeks (as many as it takes), I can chase down answers for those questions, guiding myself (and, thus, you) through the process of learning. Duh, I guess. When the questions are more or less answered, I’m guessing some lingering spark will grow and light up whatever needs looking at next.
I’ve already mentioned that one reason this is emerging as a place I want to spend some mental time is that I’ve just been thinking about it in my personal life a lot. I went to the beach last weekend and got a big sunburn across my belly, proving to myself again that I never did get the tan I always intend to get during summertime. There is a little softness at my waist that I couldn’t help but notice, especially as my skin got redder and redder. Walking around the small beach town I saw tattoos on bodies that left me envious. As the season comes to an end, I’m looking at how I look at other people.
This isn’t new and I also have the double awareness that as much as it’s annoying and gets in the way of me living my life, it’s not nearly as pathological or obtrusive as it could be. It’s constant for me and for most people I know. Then I (and at least some of the people I know!) clock into the Instagram factory after work and use our free time to find more hot and rich2 and outrageously physically fit people to aim our eyeballs at and feel that same jealousy for longer.
Whether those people are on the streets of Philadelphia, a boardwalk south of Atlantic City, or on my phone screen, I’m left thinking about seeing and being seen.
In an effort to boil some of this down into less unwieldy terms, I want to explore questions like:
What’s the story of pornography and Venus? Not exactly in the sense of hardcore erotic images, but the conception of pornography (“I know it when I see it” vibes) and how that has adapted or not to our newer forms of media exchange. i.e. Tumblr porn is dead, Twitter porn lives on, Instagram porn operates (squeaky clean) squished against aspirational decor… why??
Something about pretty privilege… granted, this is a topic that I am certain I won’t exhaust in just a few newsletters, but I think this is a good place to start prodding. What can Venus and the Venusian in astrology tell us about how being hot is maybe the most culturally privileged status and what should we do about it?
Is there a spiritual/psychic/emotional/physical cost to this manifestation of the Venusian and how it takes center stage in our lives? Is it worth it??
More, idk!
Some places where I’m starting to dig into these topics:
Gonna revisit this piece by Haley Nahman as well as the Emrata piece it’s responding to. I’ll probably look at some of Haley’s other writing about makeup and aesthetics as well.
I’ve been reading Imagined Communities which is about nationalism but also lowkey has some bearing on this idea I think… watch this space.
This NYT Magazine Op-Ed that I skimmed and thought wasn’t very good, but was very relevant. Will read again more closely…
Faggots and their Friends Between Revolutions duh
Going to look for any and all writing by porn actors that I can find, especially if they’re gay and especially if they’re talking about the moment of “self-produced content” that we’re in.
The “sex” chapters of Testo Junkie and of On Freedom. Maybe also Trans Girl Suicide Museum again.
Any writing about pretty privilege in politics. I first became obsessed with this w/r/t Beto O’Rourke and since 2018 have been like “oh duh we can’t elect anyone who a critical mass of voters don’t want to have sex with or aspire to look like or both.” Give a country nukes and it will become an unserious joke of a country that also has nukes.
If you think of anything specific or general I should be exploring re: these topics, please let me know! And if you are interested in talking about your chart and spirituality, I’m still looking for some more folks to have a short conversation with me à la this one with Cody Cook-Parrott!
Always a lot of credit goes to the people who have been my teachers, both directly and through their freely shared knowledge, and so many books.
I’ll name some names in a future newsletter, but if you can’t wait and want an example of this kind of account, @liwekaj_ is a prime offender. You get the gist!
“Rich” has something big to do with it too, obviously. And “rich” is also associated with Venus!