#11: ADHD and summer brain fog

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Upcoming Astrology:

There are plenty of week ahead resources out there (the CHANI podcast is a good one), so I thought it might be more fun to read a focused interpretation of one dynamic in the sky.

Specific astro dynamic: Quickly today because I’ve got a lot to do and want to get the dopamine rush of sending this ASAP—Venus and Mars are co-present in Leo!

This is sweet for me because I am an Aries Rising and my sister is a Libra Rising and she visited me this weekend, right as Venus moved into Leo. Aries is ruled by Mars and Libra is ruled by Venus and we had a lovely time. More usefully for everyone, some questions:

1. How are your conflicts (Mars) working to support or undermine intimacy (Venus)?

2. Honest conflict (Mars) and intentional intimacy (Venus) are naturally co-occurring aspects of being yourself authentically (Leo). Who do you need to be open with?

3. The Sun is still in Gemini, ruling Leo from two doors down. Sun in Gemini might want you to have a chat with someone to bring something into the light. Does that make you think of anything? (I am about to watch the Vanderpump Rules finale and imagine this will be relevant 🥰)

Short thoughts on ADHD and summer brain.

I haven’t sent anything in a few weeks and I could feel myself beginning to creep into that space where I might just quit and say this place that I write was a nice experiment that ended. Instead, I’m going to send this, a quick note with some short reflections about summer and a semi-recent (6 months ago) diagnosis of ADHD I got in therapy. 

Usually in the summer time I get a little depressed. It’s not the short day, long winter kind of depressed that I usually feel during the other part of the year. It’s a Kate Chopin malaise, a tenuousness, a tight line between lots of possibility and days that do have ends. When I tell friends that I’m feeling this kind of way I often label it with the cuter and more accurate “feeling depressy today.” When I was a kid I remember pacing on the warm patio at night and saying that I was feeling “listless”. When I had hair this was the mood that prompted me to shave it. 

This year is the first year I’m feeling that with the support of medication and the added nuance of an ADHD diagnosis. While the medication has been helpful and life circumstances have improved generally (love my new job, hook ‘em), it has been surprisingly helpful to learn about ADHD and see myself in it. I’m starting to see where much of the self-perceived failure I used to carry or the doubt that bubbled underneath any new curiosity can be understood through the word “neurodivergence”. Bigger reflection about that word coming later, but, today, I’m appreciating the language that comes from claiming “different brain working as it’s meant to.” 

The trigger for writing this today was that I had written “newsletter” on about twenty “to do” lists in the past several weeks and not crossed it off one. Today, I wrote a short, four item list under a header that says “Continued Fixing Brain Tasks” which is a follow up to the list from yesterday that was titled “Make Brain Feel Solid”. It made me laugh which is progress over annoyance. I hadn’t crossed off everything, but I’d completed some things that were making me anxious. All I can really ask for. When I hit send on this email, that’ll be something I can cross off. Thanks for being a part of it :)

I got approval for my rental application in Philadelphia this morning. I’m going to have a new address soon and a new city and a new state and a new part of the country. A lot to happen between now and then, but it’s another big item on the “How Brain Can Be Normal In My Head” list. Happy June!

Always a lot of credit goes to the people who have been my teachers, both directly and through their freely shared knowledge, and so many books.

P.S. Send me your Enneagram and astrology and random questions why not?